The World is Rushing Me By
The world is rushing by.
The world doesn't seem to be stopping for me right now.
Usually it doesn't mind me hitchiking on the hard shoulder.
It doesn't mind giving me a ride,
But right now, the highway isn't even in sight,
As I walk under the rain.
I don't mind the rain,
It is refreshing and light,
Filled with promise of a brighter day,
Telling me that I'm simply at a pitstop.
The world will eventually slow down,
Get off its high, its rush.
It is a bit confusing,
I'm being lulled into consent by the rain,
But the world is still rushing.
I wonder if it will ever stop,
I mean, it has to if it wants to be re-fueled.
That's what the rain is implying,
And I'm on the verge of trusting it completly.
For now, the world is rushing me by,
And for now, I'm going to wait till I can find the shoulder again,
And then I'm not going to hitchike,
But stop the world in its tracks,
Make its tires squeal till the marks can be seen on the ground.
Then I shall be rushing by the world.
The world doesn't seem to be stopping for me right now.
Usually it doesn't mind me hitchiking on the hard shoulder.
It doesn't mind giving me a ride,
But right now, the highway isn't even in sight,
As I walk under the rain.
I don't mind the rain,
It is refreshing and light,
Filled with promise of a brighter day,
Telling me that I'm simply at a pitstop.
The world will eventually slow down,
Get off its high, its rush.
It is a bit confusing,
I'm being lulled into consent by the rain,
But the world is still rushing.
I wonder if it will ever stop,
I mean, it has to if it wants to be re-fueled.
That's what the rain is implying,
And I'm on the verge of trusting it completly.
For now, the world is rushing me by,
And for now, I'm going to wait till I can find the shoulder again,
And then I'm not going to hitchike,
But stop the world in its tracks,
Make its tires squeal till the marks can be seen on the ground.
Then I shall be rushing by the world.
posted by Arien | Monday, September 12, 2005
3 Comments:
The intent is good. The motif of the highway and rushing past is well done. however, the rhymes feel forced and strained rather than natural. And, it might just be me, but there's a lack of flow or rhythm.
Is this prose or poetry, is another question.
The story/intent/message is evident, and strong. but i sorta feel that the presentation is slightly lacking.
then again, its just me prob.
The lacking structure might be due to the fact that it's more freestyle prose than actual poetry as such. That happens a lot with me. I feel free to exploit poetic structure and components for my own wily gains!
Ta
Unbelievable. You're freestlying. Stop copying petter, man!
If your testing out ideas of poetic structure, no problem. But it still feels like it's attempting to lead up to something, in presentation, then flops out embarassed for some reason.
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