The Department of Mysteries - A Matter of a Brain Part 1

THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES
A Matter of a Brain
by Lawrence Wang

(Author's notes, aka me: My second and probably last HP-fan fic. I've always wanted to play around with the idea of the Unspeakables being this ultra top-secret department that dealt with all this nasty stuff that you never saw in the actual books. Sorta like the BPRD of the Hellboy universe.

I was originally going to make this a whole big post, but thought better about it. So its going in installments, one a day.
ooh, the anticipation!

And yes, the brain here is one of those brains that are found in the Dep. of Mysteries, in the book the Order of the Phoenix.

And without further adieu...)

The Department of Mysteries is the most mysterious and feared of the seven departments of the Ministry of Magic. It acts independently from the rest of the Ministry and is only answerable to itself. The department is shrouded in lies, rumors, conspiracies and half-truths. The only people who know what truly go on in the mysterious offices of the ninth level of the Ministry of Magic are the Unspeakables, the agents of the Department of Mysteries.

Here are some of the tales and rumors that surround the Department and their agents. Whether they are true or not is left to you.

‘Turn this godawful music off.’

Alan, not taking his eyes off the road, pretended not to hear. Abe was nonplussed.

‘Alan, I am serious. This music is absolutely horrid. It is an atrocity to the musical arts. In a few minutes my ears will bleed and my brain will haemorrahge and on my epitaph they will put down, “Alan’s horrible music tastes killed me”,’ Abe said, with increasing enthusiasm.

Alan threw up his hands. ‘Fine, fine, I’ll switch it to something else. What do you want, BBC 1, or Classical…’

‘Alan!’

Alan almost didn’t hear the blaring horn. That was because he was so focused on the two lights in front that were growing at an uncomfortable speed. He took the wheel and swerved hard to the left. A sudden blur and the car was past them, the horn fading as it sped away.

Alan stared at Abe.

Abe stared back at Alan.

Alan sighed, careful to keep his eyes on the road this time.

‘Fine, fine, you get to drive back.’

***

They arrived at the house shortly before ten.

The house was a nice one, Alan did have to admit, for a Muggle building. At least, it seemed like it looked nice. It was a country house, with two floors and a nice-sized stable. Solidly built too, no over ostentatious gaudy decorations. At the back the walls were covered with ivy, and this neglect led to a sort of natural beauty that he might have enjoyed at a different time.

But at night, with the bare moon overhead casting a rather unsettling pallid gloom, the house did not look nice. In fact it looked…

‘Spooky,’ Abe said, finishing the thought. Alan nodded.

‘Are you two the agents the Ministry sent?’

Abe and Alan turned to the source. From out of the shadows came a young man, somewhere in his mid twenties. He had reddish-orange hair and hornbeam glasses. He was pale and obviously shaken.

‘Who are you?’ Alan asked, carefully reaching into his coat.

‘Arthur Weasley, Misuse of Muggle artifacts,’ the man said. Alan relaxed.

‘Yeah, we are. What’s the situation?’ Abe asked.

‘I came here two hours ago on a report of what seemed to be charmed Muggle items. It looked like a simple operation, just identify the items in question and call in the Obliviator squad to obliviate the man in question and any other related suspects.’ Arthur began.

‘Wait, before you continue,’ Abe interrupted. Arthur sent him a questioning look. ‘What’s the suspect’s name?’

‘Ah. It’s…Freeman. Robert Freeman.’

Abe turned back to the car. Alan motioned for Arthur to continue his report.

‘Yes, well. I arrived at the house and rang the doorbell several times. After no response, I decided to enter by more…forceful means. I used an Alomohora spell to open the door…so no need to unlock the door…and searched for the charmed items. I had just been cataloguing the items in the living room when I heard a faint moan coming from upstairs.

‘I climbed the stairs and followed the voice to its source. It was, I assume, Mr. Freeman, lying on the floor of his bathroom with a strange…well, strange thing, for lack of better words, attached to his chest.’

Arthur shuddered, halting his report for a moment. Alan took the time to look back at Abe, who was fiddling with something in the car. Arthur composed himself and continued.

‘It was horrible. The thing was pulsing and moving, as though it was in tune with the man’s very heart. I don’t know how long I stared at it. Then, suddenly, Mr. Freeman stopped moaning. I was unsure what to do. Just as I had resolved to go help the man his body jerked. He looked as though he was having a fit. I didn’t bother to check, though; I was escaping as quickly and quietly as possible. Then…well, I called the Ministry and they said they would send two professionals to handle this, and here you are.’ Arthur finished.

‘Thank you very much, Mr. Weasley. If you will please vacate the premises, we will handle the matter.’ Alan said, putting his hand out. Arthur shook it and began to walk away.

He turned back, a confused frown crossing his face. ‘Which department did you say you were from, again?’

Alan looked nonplussed, crossing his arms. ‘Escaped Beasts section three, Department for the regulation and control of magical creatures.’

Arthur still looked a bit confused, but seconds later a distinct crack signaled that Arthur had Apparated away. Alan let out a long-held sigh and replaced his wand back into its inner coat pocket.

***

‘Escaped Beasts? Section Three? Your imagination just gets wilder and wilder with each lie, Alan,’ Abe commented with a smile as Alan walked back to the car.

‘Shut up, you insufferable sod.’ Alan grumbled, leaning on the hood of the car.

‘You sure you don’t want to have another agent obliviate the lad? Don’t want any rumors or such to circulate around.’ Abe asked.

‘It’s okay. I’ve heard of Arthur, he’s a real straight shooter, won’t go mouthing off or any such nonsense. Anyway, what you’ve got?’ Abe had a curious expression on his face, but shook it off quickly.

‘Checked in with the Department’s files. Well, Mr. Freeman did not appear on the database as a muggle with magical tendencies, nor as a Squib. Nor has he been obliviated before. Seems he just happened to get into an illegal trafficking deal between the goblin Mafia and some rather rich and suspicious wizards without knowing it. That’s how he must have picked up our specimen.’

‘An innocent bystander, then?’ Alan asked, rubbing his jaw. Have to have a shave tonight, he thought. Never enough time.

‘Innocent? Well, if you consider innocent to include smuggling illegal shipments, then yes.’

Alan growled. ‘You know what I mean.’

Abe merely smiled.

They both turned to the house. It was looking even more forbidding by the moment.

‘Well, I guess we’ll have to go in,’ Abe said. Alan grunted.

‘Stop acting like a Neanderthal muggle. I don’t like it anymore than you do.’ Alan grunted again, but this time with a smile. The smile quickly disappeared, replaced with a scowl.

‘If only we had time to get back to the Ministry. We’re going in under-armoured for something like this, not to mention under-manned.’

Abe sighed. ‘I already told you in the car. There’s been some odd occurrence in Cheshire, Manchester has some abnormal happenings, and the rest are either on the Scotland mission or otherwise occupied.’

Alan sighed. ‘I know, but still. This is pretty serious, and I don’t care what the Head says, even with two experienced agents this is going to be a hell of an operation.’

Abe looked once again at the house, bleakly. ‘Amen to that.’