Remember

Remember sitting outside, in the cool of a summer night? Remember having no one, and no one having you, and all you want to do is scream but there is no one to scream to? Remember loving but never being loved back, and being unable to do anything about it because you were too scared and too afraid and too just too fucked to do the right thing, to take things into your hands and do something right just that once, just that tiny once, for the most important thing to you?

Do you remember a cool summer night, sitting outside on the curbside and just thinking, just being, thinking and being and not really living but not dying, a static state of absolutely nothing, and all that occupies your mind is WHY WHY WHY and you wish, oh how you wish for a cigarette, but really all you wish for is to drink and drink and drink until you cannot think because thinking leads to the one thing you don't ever ever want to think about is HER, because you've done everything wrong and don't know how to do anything right and Life is Misery and to wake up the morning after Miserable is the only way to live?

I do.